"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..." -- Anonymous

"Children really lighten up the household -- they never turn the lights off." -- Anonymous

"Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children." -- Anonymous

"I wasn't kissing your daughter, sir. I was whispering in her mouth" -- Anonymous

"I'm so in love with your daughter, and to prove it, I'm wearing one of her dresses" -- Ryan Stiles

"They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They aren't laughing now!" -- Anonymous

"Remember, it's not, 'How high are you?' its 'Hi, how are you?'" -- Restroom off Route 81, West Viginia

"If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives." -- Armand's Pizza, Washington D.C.

"People are like chocolates; some are rich, some are soft, and some are nuts." -- Anonymous

"I'm in shape, round is a shape." -- Anonymous

: words to live by :

"We didn not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we are borrowing it from our children." -- Chief Seattle

"When you have to cope with a lot of problems, you're either going to sink or swim." -- Tom Cruise

"Things are just things -- they have no power to hurt of heal. Only people can do that. And we can all choose whether to be hurt or healed by the people who love us." -- Kerry Steward

"And what do we teach our children in school? We teach them that 2 and 2 make 4, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them who they are? Children are marvels. They are unique. In all of the world there are no 2 children alike. In the millions of years that have passed, there has never been another child like you... You may become a Shakespeare, or a Beethoven. You have the capacity of becoming anything. Yes, you are a marvel." -- Pablo Casals

"If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em." -- Garfield

"I will not drag you along; I will not leave you alone; I will stand by you and have my hand there for you to hold when you need to." -- Anonymous

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them." -- Anonymous

"No man is worth your tears... and the one who is.. won't make you cry" -- Anonymous

"Relationships -- of all kinds -- are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold it too tightly, too posessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost." -- Kaleel Jamison, The Nibble Theory

"Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I'm never going to forget you." -- Anonymous

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" -- Moulin Rouge

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance" -- Derek Bok

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words." -- Anonymous

"In the end, you don't remember people for what they do or say, but how they make you feel" -- Anonymous

"Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other person's place. Respect women. Don't take no for answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love." -- Greg Proops

"The world is no longer a romantic place; some of its people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win." -- John Cage (Peter McNicol) from Ally McBeal

"The trick is to fast foward through the lousy parts of life." -- Richard Fish (Greg Germann) from Ally McBeal

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me, and just be my friend." -- Albert Camus

'Never explain - your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you.' -- Anonymous

: maybe there's a point to this... maybe not :

"It takes a second to have a crush on someone, a minute to like someone, and a day to love someone; but it takes a lifetime to forgot someone you've loved." -- Anonymous

"Society will not be whole until the last king is strangles with the guts of the last priest." -- Mary Wollstonecraft

"Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." -- Anonymous

"You spend the first 12 months of your child's life teaching them to walk and talk, then the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up." -- Anonymous

"The hardest thing about having children is that they don't come with an manual" -- Colin Mochrie

"If you aren't confused around here, you're not trying hard enough" -- Anonymous

"There are three kinds of people; those who can count and those who can't." -- Anonymous

"There are just some jerks you meet along in life who are there just to make life harder!" -- Anonymous

"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research." -- Wilson Mizner

"There are three stages of a man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus" -- Bob Phillips

"Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult" -- Anonymous

"In elementary school, in the case of fire, you have to line up quiety in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" -- Warren Hutcherson

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." -- A. Whitney Brown

"I always knew I'd look back on the times I cried and laugh, but I never thought I'd look back on the times I laughed and cry." -- Anonymous

"At first, people were trying to figure out how to have sex without having children. Now, people are trying to figure out how to have children without having sex." -- Anonymous

: from movies and celebrities :

"I'll procrastinate tomorrow." -- Garfield

"There are three kinds of people that no one understands: geniuses, madmen, and guys that mumble." -- Whistler from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"A cat will down down at a man. A dog will look up to a man. But a pig will look you straight in the eye and see his equal." -- Winston Churchill

"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

"I was the best man at a wedding once. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?" -- Jerry Seinfeld

"God in His wisdom made the fly... And then he forgot to tell us why." -- The Fly by Ogden Nash

"THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that look more ALIKE than they already do! Thanks a lot, scientific community." -- Dave Barry

"This is the sort of English with which I will not put." -- Winston Churchill

"Love Bites...
...Death Sucks" -- Ad for Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"There is a place on a woman that you can touch to make her crazy -- her heart" -- Milk Money

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time" -- Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -- Billy Crystal

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says 'My God, you're right! I never thought of that!" -- Dave Barry

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

"Angel Investigations: we hope you're helpless" -- Doyle (Glenn Quinn) from Angel

"You know what makes my problems bigger than everybody else's? They're mine." -- Ally (Calista Flockhart) from Ally McBeal

"I demand to know what part of me you are laughing at." -- Ally (Calista Flockhart) from Ally McBeal

"I used to be afraid of death; now I'm more afraid of what happens to those who live." -- from And The Band Played On

: totally random :

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, and life to everything." -- Anonymous

"If I had an hourglass, I'd save the grains of time I've spent with you." -- Anonymous

"To do is to be." -- Decartes
"To be is to do." -- Voltaire
"Do be do be do." -- Frank Sinatra
[From the Men's restroom, Scottsdale, AZ]

"Homework is against my religious beliefs." -- Anonymous

"Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." -- Anonymous

"Although they are only breath, words which I command are immortal." -- Sappho
 

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